


in which the trash avengers of hell's kitchen are introduced to the public

by janie_tangerine



Category: The Defenders (Marvel TV)
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Gen, I Don't Even Know, POV Luke Cage, Post-Series, The Author Regrets Nothing, Tumblr Prompt, in which the defenders all end up in the trash as it was meant to be, luke deserves better than these idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-14
Updated: 2017-09-14
Packaged: 2018-12-29 18:54:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12091278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/janie_tangerine/pseuds/janie_tangerine
Summary: Luke shudders and really, really hopes this doesn’t happen again. Ever.This Defenders business is already ridiculous enough, he doesn’t need to be known for any tendency to end the night swimming in the goddamned trash.





	in which the trash avengers of hell's kitchen are introduced to the public

**Author's Note:**

> So I was taking defenders prompts on tumblr (mostly ironwing but shh) and an anon asked for _forever disappointed we did not have a scene with all the defenders landing in the garbage together. maybe you could take this as a prompt. Also maybe colleen Claire Trish Karen foggy all find them there and like "why are you guys in the garbage"??? "It's his fault." (No one wants to blame jess)_ Honestly, this is EXACTLY what it says on the tin, no more no less. Idek. I'm sorry, except I'm not. Luke definitely deserves better. Anyway, everyone belongs to Marvel and the title is obviously my own thing for once, which shows because it's terrible but never mind that.

“Claire,  _don’t_  –”

“Oh, you can  _forget_  that I’m not doing it. This is entirely too good.”

Claire takes the picture and Luke figures that the universe maybe  _did_ owe her some blackmailing material.

Still, he’d have rather picked  _anything_  but  _this_  kind of blackmailing material.

“Guys,” Colleen Wing says, and she’s  _not_  looking at her boyfriend as if she’s anywhere near impressed, “how did you manage to end up in the damned  _garbage_?”

“ _His_  fault,” Luke says, nodding towards Danny, who says the exact same thing but nodding towards Matt, who says the  _same_  thing nodding towards… Luke?

Karen Page does  _not_  look impressed either.

“I have a feeling  _neither_  of you is the culprit or you’d be agreeing,” she says.

“Well,” Foggy says, and Luke’s never going to survive having  _this_  guy for a lawyer after this, “given the  _precedents_ , I’d be inclined to believe Mr. Rand over there.”

“Foggy, you’re a traitor,” Matt groans.

“Well, you  _do_  land yourself in the garbage fairly often,” Foggy says, which – Luke doesn’t know if Murdock has a garbage death wish or anything, but  _he_  would rather stay out of it.

“That was why I was taking pictures,” Claire agrees.

“I think,” and wait, is that  _Trish_ , of course she is, “that they’re all being gentlemen here. Am I right,  _Jessica_?”

“Oh, fuck,” Jessica groans from wherever she landed up in the corner of the wagon, “why would it be  _me_?”

“Because from what I hear, you’re the only one out of the four of you who can actually give Murdock a run for his money when it comes to end your night in dire need of a shower, and don’t you even try to deny it because I did fish you out of more than one chute back in the day. Even  _before_  you could lift the entire wagon with one arm.”

Thing is – Trish is actually right, it kind of was Jess’s fault, but Luke had just figured it’d be more dignified to just share the blame.

Jess sighs. “I need a drink.”

“Jess, not to be  _that_  guy, but that’s half the reason we ended here in the first place,” Matt groans, sitting up – the suit did protect him, but Luke has a feeling that going back to vigilantism so soon after getting discharged was a real bad idea.

As far as he’s concerned, he’s just too fucking tired to even bother standing up – he has been up and about since five in the morning, it’s  _two_  in the morning of the  _next_  day and honest, why did he even say yes when Danny texted him saying that there was some ring of drug dealers to break and Luke should be there to see how many of the kids inside the safehouse should be sent to the police and how many should be let go?

Right. Because he wants to  _help_.

He still doesn’t know if he can remember exactly how they went from  _that_  to landing in the middle of the garbage wagon just outside the criminals’s safehouse even after getting them secured. He’s pretty sure it was because Jess said she needed to find a bar and walked over the roof of the damned place where all of them were and fell down into the damned thing, except that she was grabbing Matt’s arm so she brought him along, and Danny tried to drag them both back but it didn’t work and Luke is  _tired_  and he hadn’t calculated how much  _three people_  were going to weigh.

“I still need a drink,” Jess says again.

A moment later, a small flask hits her in the head.

“What –”

“You’re welcome, Miss Jones,” Foggy Nelson smirks. “I figured that I might need one if Matt was calling me at  _three AM_.”

“Murdock, don’t you  _ever_  think of alienating this man from your life again,” Jess declares, and then she opens the flask and proceeds to have her drink.

“Colleen,  _a hand_?” Danny finally asks. His girlfriend snorts once, twice, and then she rolls her eyes.

“Fine,  _fine_ , I’m taking one for the team.”

She jumps down from the roof into the wagon, then grabs Luke’s arm and helps him up – he was the closest.

“Go grab the other two,” she says, “shouldn’t be too hard for  _you_.”

Fair. He goes to help Matt up while she does the same with Danny, who  _really_  needs a suit given how banged up he is, and then both of them go get Jess, who is reaching a level of functional alcoholism that is honestly creeping Luke out given that she doesn’t even sway on her feet.

“Guys, you  _all_  stink,” Trish not-so-helpfully supplies from her spot on the roof.

“Yeah, you’re  _not_  coming inside the house covered in trash,” Claire tells him, and fine, she has a point – he wouldn’t want to walk anywhere smelling like trash either, he was raised better than that.

“ _Fine_ ,” Jess sighs, “given that I’m the closest and that we _all_  need a shower let’s just crash at my place. Trish, don’t you  _dare_  put that picture on Facebook or  _whatever_.”

“I wouldn’t sabotage your blossoming career as a  _superhero_  now, would I?”

“I’m not one,” Jess groans, and then jumps out of the garbage wagon, landing on the ground in a fairly graceless heap, but at least she doesn’t look like she broke something.

“Right. Guys. Let’s just go,” Matt says, and follows her. Luke does the same and doesn’t roll his eyes at Danny and Colleen doing it  _while holding hands_  just because he was raised better than that, too.

“Too bad I can’t use  _trash avengers_  in my next article, though,” Karen says innocently from the top of the roof.

Luke shudders and really,  _really_  hopes this doesn’t happen again. Ever.

This Defenders business is already ridiculous enough, he doesn’t need to be known for  _any_  tendency to end the night swimming in the goddamned trash.

(He can’t know that six months from now  _some_  tabloid will indeed label  _all_  of them  _the slightly trashier and less fashionable version of the Avengers though at least they can be counted upon when you need them_.

Maybe it’s better like this.)

 

End.


End file.
